GAB Decides to not let Republicans Vote in Recall Elections

Madison, Venezuela (WTF) In a unanimous vote, the Government Accountability Board, or GAB for short, decided to not allow any Wisconsin Republicans to vote in the upcoming recall elections. "We've thought long and hard about this," said Kevin Kennedy, the Union, er, ah, GAB spokesman. " A lot of gray-haired, homely, bitter women worked long hours filling out fake recall forms. $20/hour "volunteers" harassed drivers at stop lights looking for signatures. It would be a travesty if all that were to go for naught." Kennedy, a former ball washer and boot licker in the Diamond Jim Doyle administration, added that a proposal was discussed to allow Democrats to vote twice each, but that idea was "quickly shot down." One of the other relics on the "Board", who appeared to be from the Mesozoic Era, mentioned that "even with double voting by leftists, due to the popularity of the Governor's reforms, there was a strong possibility 'we' (his term) might still lose." So that's how we came up with our alternate solution. The GAB members, meeting over several free taxpayer-funded beers at the Great Dane (de-lish by the way), believe the rules to be fair. "We set out to study recall elections from around the country, but soon realized there weren't any. No other state has been nearly as petty as us. So we had to look further. We looked at the former Soviet Union, North Korea, Pol Pot's Cambodia, obviously Mao, but in the end, it was Venezuela's approach that captured our fancy. Hugo has used this process successfully for years now, so we thought we'd roll with it," said Kennedy in his best deadpan. Reaction from leftists was overwhelmingly positive. "About fucking time," said the terror of the DNR, former Supreme Court wannabe JoAnne Kloppenstein. "Great idea," added former Attorney General (think about this for a second, this woman was our AG), Peg Lautendrunkenschlager. "This is what Democracy looks like," yelled pink dress guy. "I've got a real shot this time," said multiple statewide loser and Shrek impersonator Kathleen Falk. Vuvuzela boy just blared his horn, Meanwhile, on the right, Attorney General J.B. Van Hollen said that "everything looked and sounded fine to him." "Hey, did you see what I did to that farmer from Osseo whose cow pooped too close to the stream? I sure nailed his ass." Great work JB. We here at WRD will continue to monitor this situation carefully, as you can see...