Happy Cinco de Mayo: David Obey is done!!!!

Dear fellow producers,

Today is clearly a national holiday. No, I'm not talking about Cinco de Mayo, the day we celebrate our wondrous diversity of gangland murders, drug running, and the overwhelming burden on our infrastructure. No today, May 5th, 2010, is the day that Congressman Dave Obey (D-WI) announced he would not seek re-election in November.

Talk about a Holiday that all tax payers can celebrate together! Rejoice one and all.

This is the author of the very successful $891BB Porkulus bill that our children and grandchildren will be paying off for decades. This is Dave Obey, chariman of the House Appropriations Committee, which should really be called the House "See how much we can Tax and Spend even though we don't have it" committee. This guy is so full of pork, he gives swine a bad name. Need a bridge named in your honor, call good ol' Dave. Need a new hospital wing built just before your next election, you guessed it; reach out to Dave. Teachers union needs a boost? You got it. Labor union boss needs some new cement boots? How many you need.

This old coot has been in Congress since 1969. 41 freakin' years. He got Melvin Laird's seat in 1969 (Laird was appointed Nixon's Secretary of Defense), started bringing back the pork to Northwest Wisconsin, and somehow won 21 straight elections. He's 71 years old, and I don't think he's even lived in WI since the 70's. He lives in haughty Georgetown, and is so removed from his constituents at this point, he probably can't even remember where his home is (for the record, he's supposed to live in Wausau). On his occasional visit, he most likely leaves with a powerful "Go Vikings!" cheer. He didn't even bother to do any Town Halls during the height of the healthcare debate. Couldn't be bothered I suppose.

You want a reason to pass a term limits bill? See exhibit A, Dave Obey. He has been voted "most surly & nasty" Congressman for 32 years straight (took him awhile to beat out Tip O'Neill). This guy is such an effing prick, he gives effing pricks a bad name. Nevertheless, colleagues have been weighing in with effusive praise all day. Congressman (woman?) Bawney Fwank (D-MA), a long time girlfriend, said "after a long, all night session of bilking billions from the producers, he could weally turn me on. But he never accepted my sexual advances, despite my best effowts. He instead preferred to go home to his graying, unattractive wife. I wuved him wike a bwother."

And soon to be ex Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) said, "he was always very good at math. Why, he could up an expenditure from the billions to the trillions without missing a beat. The non-producers of this country have lost a great friend in David Obey. He will be sorely missed."

Congressman Obey is survived (though barely) by 254 other House Dems, many of whom will be joining him in 5 months after the 2010 midterm elections. "I enjoyed representing the people of Georgetown---er, I mean Northern Wisconsin-- for the past 41 years. They are such fine, little people." When asked what he would do in his retirement, the former Soviet Studies major (honest to God, you can't make this shit up) from the University of Wisconsin said, in his typical friendly way, "it's none of your f%^&ing business, now get the f$%^ out of my way. Don't you know I'm David Obey?"

And with that, he was gone. First Chairman Mao. Then Ted Kennedy and John Murtha. And now David Obey.

May, 5th--It's a great day for the producers!

Funeral arrangements for the rest of the Democratic party are pending, but should be finalized on November 2nd, 2010.

Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone, from your friends in Wisconsin!!!!! We did it. We got rid of David Obey!!!!!

Paul
For more fun, check out http://wisconsinrepublicandad.blogspot.com